Alex is much taller than me now about 5'8" and weighs 190lbs.... WHO EVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT HE WOULD GROW TO BE THIS BIG?? Those that knew him before surely would never have guessed this little 16 year old Junior 4' nothing and all of 110 pounds lol. Alex is still very impulsive and yes NO FILTER still... but we are still working on that and social behaviors as well. Those little things he may never get back but we are still making progress... BABY STEPS... one day at a time. I feel like some neurons may finally be reconnecting as Alex has become more aware of peoples emotions and feelings of regret when he acts up or gets in trouble for inappropriate behavior. .... TRUE STORY such as riding in the neighbors yard across the street on his golf cart and running over THREE not one but THREE of his little pine trees he had just planted! Thank God they love Alex and have compassion in their souls because had it been my yard I don't know that I could be so gracious! Of course my knee jerk reaction was to post on FB 'GOLFCART FOR SALE" LOL.... Although the neighbors asked me not to sell it....that is still to be determined!
He doesn't necessarily get it right at the moment when he is in trouble... it's more of when he is laying in his bed late at night and is maybe more able to process it without all the stimulation around him such as friends/tv etc? When he is by himself and has time to process the days events... we often get a text apologizing saying he knows what he did was wrong and that he is really trying hard to recognize when he is misbehaving and wants to correct it with a true heartfelt apology.... something I never thought he would be capable of again. It might take another 5 years but at this point I am confident that Alex will continue to improve and one day grow up, have a wife and kids and have somewhat of a normalcy in his life. THIS IS MY PRAYER FOR HIM! So much was taken away and I would give anything for him to be independent and have that life he would have had. He still has no use of his left hand or arm but he has become accustomed to that and it doesn't seem to bother him..... as for me... it pisses me off, lol. I don't know how he does it....soooo many tasks we need two hands for and I can't imagine having one hand to do EVERYTHING.... I sit and watch him playing video games with the controller in his mouth for the stick while using his right hand to push the buttons and it's bittersweet....YES HE IS ALIVE AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES QUIT WHINING I TELL MYSELF, LOL! He makes it work.... and he is comfortable in his surroundings..... feeling safe... enjoying life as it is today... not a care in the world except where I am taking him for the day and what is for dinner, lol. He likes to go go go and run those roads.... boredom sets in while Brooks is in school....I am his only source of entertainment... whatever will I do when Brooks goes off to college??? Send Alex with him ? lol. His friends are few and far between ... grown up...working ... busy with their own lives....breaks my heart, however I am truly thankful for Brooks' friends who treat him as if he were one of their gang and love him like their own brother.
The recent tragedy in CT has brought every emotion rushing back with memories flooding my entire body as if it happened yesterday. I am deeply saddened and truly heartbroken! I sat in my room watching CNN and cried on Saturday... balling my eyes out watching the news and horrified for those parents. I know that feeling all too well. The hard part is not knowing why...... and even if we did know the reasons for any child shooting... would it make us feel better??? God bless those families and provide them strength to get through the coming holiday and into the new year ... I pray they find some kind of peace with the loss of their children... it is definitely only a peace that HE can provide. I know how truly blessed beyond measures I am.... it still doesn't take away the devastation and heartache for what my son once was to what he has now become. I think I will always mourn the loss of my old Alex...however I will embrace each new day with a smile on my face and enjoy every minute with him..... He makes me laugh on a daily basis... crazy kid (that hasn't changed).... his personality has certainly stuck with him and he knows no strangers wherever he goes. I am so proud of him and all that he has accomplished and continues to improve upon daily. He is at that point where HE WANTS A BETTER LIFE... where he wants to be independent .... move out ... however we aren't quite there just yet, lol. He takes on tasks such as unloading the dishwasher and loading it... silverware is a thing of the past... he does the entire dishwasher now! He cleans the bathroom and does a load of his laundry here and there, BLESS HIS HEART lol..... He makes coffee (with coffee grinds all over the counters and on the floor across the kitchen lol)... but makes coffee nonetheless with good heartfelt intentions. He is more aware of my moods and my emotions and is learning to express his somewhat better. He has a heart of gold and loves his family.....most importantly... HE IS ALIVE in all senses of the word and I thank all of you and the many prayers you have prayed and to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! WITH HIM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE and we are moving mountains over here at the Dillard house!!! THIS TOO SHALL PASS AND GREAT THINGS ARE IN STORE FOR MY BOY.... I JUST KNOW IT!!
It's coming up on the 3 year mark.... my how time flies .....yet it still feels like just yesterday I got that horrific phone call. I'm not sure how many of you followers are still out there but if you are.... don't give up on us...keep those prayers coming.... Alex won't let you down... I PROMISE!
Thank you God for another day with my handsome boy!
PEACE~LOVE~N~THUMBS UP!
LISA
