I had good intentions yesterday as we set out for a day of therapy with Kinlin. She was going to sit with Alex at therapy while I ran to get Alex's discharge papers from Brooks Inpatient Rehab to take to Social Security office to change Alex's status from "in an institution" to "living at home". You see we have been getting $30 a month from social security (SSI). Talking to people at Brooks while at therapy... they couldn't believe that all we were getting was $30 a month SSI for Alex with me not working.... something wasn't right. I had NO IDEA.... this is all new to me, so I start actually reading the SSI paperwork that I got and see that his pay was based on his status "in an institution". Ahhhhhhh.... that's why! Soooo, we head out yesterday, I get about 7 miles down the road..... Alex says... "I GOTTA POOP RIGHT NOW"..... OMG... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Herrrrrrrrrrrrreeeee we go! I whip the car around....head back home because my house is the closest bathroom as we live way out Normandy by Maxville in the middle of nowhere lol! Brooks meets us at the door, gets him situated in the bathroom, I go in and he is literally straining to get it out... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I thought you had to go RIGHT NOW?... 15 minutes later we finally have touchdown and We now have 30 minutes to get to therapy which is 45 minutes away! I have an hour and half to get the records, go to SS office and get back to pick Kinlin and Alex up...AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH. Half way to therapy Alex says "I have to poop again".... OMG... You are going to have to wait till we get to therapy! I drop Kinlin and Alex off in a hurry, God forbid he goes in his pants! I get them off.... I head to Brooks Inpatient Rehab (down the street) to the outpatient records. Park the car, go inside....information desk tells me that outpatient records is down the street at the Health Care Plaza.... WHERE I JUST CAME FROM DROPPING KINLIN AND ALEX OFF...aaahhhhhhhhhh... of course it is... just my luck! Get in car... it's on empty, I'm in a hurry... of course it is! Go to Shell station across the way.... pull up, pull out the pump stick in gas tank and here comes this lady outta nowhere or so I thought. " Excuse me.... I just picked up my grandkids" ( she looks about my age) and here come the tears along with a "Do you have any money..." I CUT HER OFF....."My son was shot in the head back in January.... I have no job... I have no money". She says..."Oh my... I'm sorry to hear that ...what's his name?". "Alex Ross". She says... "I will pray for him"..."Don't you have just a little money?"...... I THINK MY HEAD SPUN AROUND TWICE LIKE THE EXORCIST AND I SAID..... "Are you kidding me? Did you not hear what I just said to you?.... I have been thru some serious shit this past year, I have no job, I have to take care of my son everyday, my finances are limited...NO I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR YOU!!!!!" She says..." Well excuuuuusssseee me, I'm sorry, I just thought you could help us out... God!"..... I sit here now smiling because that is sooooo not in my nature, lol! I ALWAYS give money to people when they ask.... I'm just a softey that way...no matter what I think they are going to spend the money on... I am a sucker and always give! So as I stand there pumping gas.... she is actually on the other side of the pump.... pumping gas in her truck.... really?! The more I stood there pumping my gas... the madder I got! She just sent me into a tail spin for what?? So I could pay for her gas? Buy her a pack of cigarettes? A fix?..... seriously!??? I sped off like a crazy mad woman.... how do I let people like that get to me when I deal with everything I deal with on a daily basis? I AM BETTER THAN THAT!!! So.... back to my story of THE day.... I head back to where I just dropped Kinlin and Alex off.... make sure he doesn't see me.....go to outpatient records, get what I need, head out the door to the social security office on JTB, get about ohhh a mile down the road and Kinlin calls. "We JUST now got out of the bathroom"...(so they have been in the bathroom this WHOLE time I have been going thru all I have been going thru since I dropped them off)..... she says "he doesn't have therapy for another hour.... you had the time wrong".... OMG.... AHHHHHH....there is no way he will sit there for an hour until his therapy. I turn the car around... go pick them up....they will go with me to SS office, I will stop and get them something to eat at Checkers and they can eat while I am in the office. Get the food, head to SS office, go in... take a number, wait in line.... get to the window and am told I have to sit and wait for my name to be called and go to ANOTHER WINDOW.... however... I am number 2 in line for what I need. Ok... so I text Kinlin... "I have to wait but I am 2nd in line so hopefully it won't be long." We have 30 minutes till he has to be at therapy, we can do this. WELL... I sit and I sit and I sit... imagine that at the SS office! I text Kinlin and tell her to come and get the key she will have to take Alex to therapy... drop him off and come back to pick me up. I'm sure this will send Alex into a tail spin.... out of the norm.... not in our normal routine of things....he will freak about having to be dropped off. Kinlin on the way to therapy with him has a little heart to heart as Alex in the backseat says to her.... "Why did this have to happen to me?". Kinlin proceeds to tell him that God has a plan for him and that maybe he should think about all the GOOD things he can do from this and teach youth about choices they make in life. He is gung ho now to speak at schools and youth events in hopes of preventing others from misfortunes as his. We'll work on that.... now he has a mission! Back to the story... Kinlin drops him off... gets him squared away... oh yeah... he had to poop again, lol! They continue their heart to heart as he is dropping the kids off at the superbowl, lol! She asked him if he really had to poop or if he was stalling because he didn't want to be dropped off by himself.... he said..."I think a little bit of both".... hahahahahaha! She finally gets him out of the bathroom... to the therapist and heads to get me. While I am at the SS office I finally get called back to the window. Give all my information....my income = 0.... then Chad's income info.... final verdict.... Chad makes too much money..... not only do we now not get the $30 a month, but I OWE 7 months of $30 a month because I should have changed his status back in April when he was discharged! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... are you freaking kidding me? I went in thinking I was going to be getting help with finances for Alex.... I have been working since I was 15... paying into Social Security and now I OWE them $ 210 because our one income family makes too much money and I should have changed his status back in April! If you make more than $5,000 a year you get NOTHING. So now I don't even get the whopping $30 a month lol.... WOW! Thank you social security! Sad thing is... when I am old enough to collect SS.... there won't be any left for me! All those years of paying in and I can't get any help to save my life! Last week we got our mortgage bill for the new year.... you know how when you build a new house, they kinda guess your property taxes for escrow because they don't really know it yet on vacant land..... yeah well... our new bill reflects we owe $1,600 on top of our house payment because BOA didn't take out enough in our escrow acct for property taxes! Due by February 1st..... Really? Thanks! The Devil steady tries to tear us down......Roadblocks..... nothing but a thang! We got this.... God has carried us this far in our finances..... I'm giving it back to HIM! This New Year is going to bring GREAT THINGS..... absolutely has to be better than this past year...... RIGHT?!! ABSOLUTELY!
God.... you are an awesome God.... you have given us more than I could possibly ever hoped for!! Yes we have had a crazy year.... ups and downs.... trials and tribulations.....but we have overcome them with your love and guidance. Nothing can tear us down.... it only makes us stronger! Every kick in the face makes me wanna jump right back up and say... "I GOT THIS... IN YOUR FACE DEVIL"!! We have you to lean on and with YOU .... all things are possible. Thank you God for your many many blessings..... for the strength you give me to carry on each day with a positive attitude..... for the wonderful husband I have that works his butt off everyday to provide finances, a house, electricity and food on the table. Thank you for the spirit of Brooks and Nicholas who are awesome brothers and help out with every chance they can to care for their brother. Thank you for the disposition, that the Alex we now have, has. He has one emotion.... laugher/jokes...THANK YOU! He has no depression, no sadness, no anger....no negative emotions and I am truly truly thankful for that! I could have it so much worse with everything else I deal with and you blessed me with a positive loving attitude in the new Alex. THANK YOU LORD SOOOO MUCH FOR THAT! Thank you for the many many new friends we have now..... the lives we have saved thru this ordeal.... the people we have led to you Lord. They now know that you are VERY REAL....You are the worker of Miracles....YOU ARE VERY REAL! People who were once lost....now have found you. THANK YOU! This happened for a reason.... it was part of your greater plan for us. Life doesn't always go as we plan..... which I like to call PLAN A. It's all how you handle PLAN B! With you by my side Lord.... WE GOT THIS PLAN B! We have come leaps and bounds this year... I never could have gotten thru this without YOU! I will continue to lean on you and call upon you daily.....baby steps. Counting my blessings ONE DAY AT A TIME. Thank you Lord for the love and support of my mother.... my family and many many great friends....too many to name....YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! HE knows who you are.... that's what counts! I pray that Alex's friends start coming around more to visit this New Year.... he needs the social interaction. There were soooooo many at the hospitals the whole time we were there...now we are home...not so much. It breaks my heart..... Now he can actually carry on conversation and laugh.....no one comes to see him. I guess they think he's ok so he doesn't need them. WRONG. He needs them now more than he did when he was laying in a bed, with tubes or paralyzed. I pray Lord that you bring them around more often to visit or go do things.... he is in a wheelchair yes....BUT HE IS ALIVE. He may not be able to shoot hoops right now.... or be crazy and run up a tree and do a back flip.... but he will make them laugh...this is a promise :0) I know life goes on and we all get busy in our own lives.... but Alex is ALIVE and I hope that his friends can go back to day one and realize the importance of this. We have big hopes for the New Year.... Alex will be walking on his own... I know it! He can now squeeze his left hand to squeeze yours when you hold it! Baby steps! He has been capping his trach since Dec 23rd for 10+ hours.... that will be coming out soon...THANK YOU GOD! Soooo much to be thankful for this New Year... WE GOT THIS!
Brian had all the boys this necklace made for Christmas. Tears streaming down my face as I sit here and type! REALITY! Engraved with ALEX ROSS ... 01-06-2010. A bullet just like the one that still remains lodged in his brain. A daily reminder of how lucky we are to have ALEX with us today. I look at this and it puts God into perspective! HE IS VERY MUCH REAL.....ALEX MICHAEL WOULD NOT...SHOULD NOT....BE HERE TODAY! Thank you God for your precious Miracle and your Saving Grace in the life of ALEX MICHAEL ROSS! I promised you that night that he would do great things for you...... you just wait and see!
I am an emotional roller coaster these past two weeks.... very thankful, sad, happy, angry....all at the same time. Still trying to pull the "Celebration of Life" off on January 8th.... trying to pin down a location and agenda. Roadblocks pop up every where I turn but YOU KNOW... I will overcome them... I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN one way or another! Wishing you all a very prosperous and Happy New Year to come. Stay tuned..... GREAT THINGS ARE ABOUT TO HAPPEN IN THE LIFE OF ALEX ROSS.... AMEN!