Alex is doing better with his sickness.... however his brain... well that's a whole nother story! When he gets scared or thinks that something is wrong with him... CHANGE... anything different than yesterday... he goes into this Schizophrenic mode and is worse than Rainman! He becomes extremely OCD with every little thing and very antsy/anxious and his brain is all over th place. I blogged yesterday morning about the suction machine.... OMG... that's like his NEW TOY! He is obsessed with it now and wanting me to suction his trach like every 10 minutes... anytime he hears mucus or any abnormal breathing.... HE FREAKS OUT! Sarah, Shelley, Jonalyn and Miss Rhonda stopped by for a visit last night and he was totally obsessed with clearing his throat and spitting in a cup. He did this for like 2 hours if not more... back and forth, spit in cup, clear his throat, spit in cup, gargle with water, spit in cup, clear his throat... OMG... I was like his little puppet and finally had to walk away and leave it with Chad. You have to try to get his mind focused on something else before he will move onto the next thing. I felt terrible for our visitors because he totally zoned out from them and was fixated on the spit cup and water cup! He kept clearing his throat paranoid that something was going to go down and enter his lungs... he became fixated and was totally oblivious to their existance in my living room. It's times like these that I want to cry because there is nothing I can do to fix what is going on inside his brain.... and just when I think he is almost back to normal... I realize he will NEVER be what he once was! He may get close... but he will NEVER be exactly as he was and that is what makes me sad and miss the good ole days. Please don't get me wrong.... I AM VERY THANKFUL he is alive and still with me... but I am only human and wish I could go back to January 5th when my life was what I call Normal. If only I could capture in words what I go thru on a daily basis and have you all comprehend what life is like.... it would wear you flat out. My close friends that stop by on a regular basis see some of it... only those that spend an entire day or night can fully fatham just what goes on behind closed doors. Yes I have my son and God has been GOOD to me.... but I do not wish this journey for anyone! Again I will preach to you.... COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS TWICE.. and THANK GOD DAILY.... don't sweat the small stuff... pick your battles and make sure they are worth the argument, because most of the time- they are not! If you aren't speaking to someone because of a petty argument... you better check yourself and make sure it's worth it-tomorrow is a gift and if that gift is taken away... you will NEVER forgive yourself! If you love someone.. tell them a million times a day... a phone call can change your life as you know it today! Sad thing is.. most of us don't realize how good we have it until it is taken away! Don't let that be you... live today in the fullest because even in my current situation... what keeps me sane and moving on... I KNOW THAT IT COULD BE MUCH WORSE and that my friends.... makes me thankful that I even am able to wait on Alex hand and foot, change him, bath him, feed him, push him in his wheelchair, repeat a sentence or word 10 times, define every other word I say, google everything, suction him a million times a day, lol.... I am thankful... I really am and I know that this will get easier as time moves on. Today is a new day and I am ready to face the challenges that lie ahead of me because Alex Michael Ross is very much ALIVE by the Grace of God and he put me to the test and I am going to pass with flying colors.... JUST YOU WATCH AND SEE! You cannot tear down what HE built and I AM PART OF HE! THANK YOU GOD FOR ONE MORE DAY WITH MY HANDSOME BOY!
PEACE~LOVE~N~THUMBS UP!
Lisa
