I had a rough night last night...Sunday..... looking thru pictures, I started crying and just really really missing the Alex who was! I don't know that I will EVER get over such a HUGE loss. I guess it started with a conversation he and I had on our way to Target the day before. He was sitting in the backseat and out of nowhere he says... "Mom... why did I have to get shot?".... what do I say to that??? I said "Alex... God has a plan... I don't have the answers for you... all we can do is trust in him that there is a reason for all that we have been thru". His response... "I think that's a little over the top don't you think?" ... he then says... "I think it's a little extreme". Funny but NOT... ya know. I don't have the answers my baby boy is looking for... I wish I did. I miss his crazy dances... his crazy antics... jumping out and scaring me when I walk out of a room.... our laying in bed watching CSI ( he doesn't like to watch it anymore since this has happened to him... says too much violence and makes him think about him being shot)...... I miss his hair, lol....I miss him running up a tree and doing a back flip off of it......I miss his crazy videos...... just every little thing that was.... I MISS TERRIBLY! I look on the upside and yes there is soooo many things that I can still see in him.... he still has a great sense of humor.... he shows way more affection to his brothers openly and this has definitely changed his relationship with Nicholas for the better..... he knows NO STRANGERS and LOVES to meet all new people... of course, he didn't really know any strangers before this however he didn't really make initiative to meet them lol.,they just knew and loved him for his crazy antics and dancing :0) I am very fortunate that his only emotion is happy as it could be a heck of a lot worse .... depressed or sad or mad... i get none of that...THANK YOU GOD! Impatient is the one thing I have to work on with him.... he still has no recollection of time... 2 minutes is 5 hours to him... LORD HELP US ALL who deal with him on a daily basis, ha ha.
We finally got back into therapy today... we had been out for a week because of crazy killer running around less than a mile from our house... we stayed BUNKERED DOWN AND LOCKED IN! He sleeps much better now that the crazy is gone which means.. I sleep better too! Today was a GREAT DAY at therapy and he truly worked hard and made up for the loss of last week. It seemed like he didn't even miss a beat. He walked with the therapist for a good 15 minutes just holding her hand which is phenomenal! He doesn't really have the stamina to walk for long bits like that so I was truly impressed today. Once he took a water break then he practiced walking with NO HANDS as he calls it and was just being spotted by Miss Christy in case he should fall. He doesn't trust himself as much as he should and doesn't give himself nearly the credit that he is capable of doing so much more than he does. We are working on building that confidence so that he trusts that he can walk by himself and doesn't need a cane or a wheelchair... then we can kiss those things goodbye!! YAY! I filmed a little today... he gives some shoutouts... crazy kid.... see below and enjoy!
I started blogging this yesterday however when I was cooking I clearly forgot that I did not have an oven mit on and burnt the crap out of my left fingers... therefore was left soaking my entire hand in cold water till I fell asleep!
We have personally been invited to attend the Justice for Somer event tonight at OP jr high... we will be attending to pay tribute to that precious little girl.... Alex will have so many to meet and greet and share his miracle story, lol! As I read over what I wrote yesterday.... funny today I have a different outlook now that we are going to Somer's event. My whole story could be of a different one and today I am truly grateful for the parts of Alex that I do have with me as I know Diena wishes she could say the same of Somer. It puts a light on my darkest of days and I will always mourn the loss of who Alex was .... after all I am only human. I do however give my greatest thanks to GOD for saving my boy and for continuing to perform daily miracles in our lives by Alex's continued progress. I can't believe it has been a year since Somer went missing.... my heart ached the day she went missing and after all I have gone thru.... even though it isn't even close to the loss that Diena has experienced..... I feel her pain and I grieve with her. A mother's worst nightmare.... a loss that nothing can replace.... Little Somer... you are an angel in heaven and God... I ask that you please wrap your arms around this momma today and everyday as she lives everyday now without her baby girl and grieving a huge loss in her family. Lift her up.... let her know you are present and warm her with the memories of a precious little girl who now walks the streets of gold with you! Diena..... you will see her again one day and what a reunion that will be. God Bless you and your family as you honor your baby today! xoxo
Kiss those babies .... hold them tight..... LIVE FOR TODAY.... tomorrow is not promised and once again... your life can change with ONE PHONE CALL!
Please continue to pray for us.... I still have my good days and my bad days.... but will continue to look at my cup as half full and looking forward to the day that my boy is as close to normal as possible! THANK YOU GOD FOR ONE MORE DAY WITH MY HANDSOME BOY! :0)